| Photo taken on the island of Java during one of my bike rides through the Indonesian countryside. (1992) |
Dua anak cukup (Two children is enough). This catchy slogan was plastered everywhere when we lived in Indonesia and is one of the main reasons that Stéphane and I don't have three or four children. That combined with the fact that whenever one of us started thinking about having a third child, the other one quickly and efficiently nipped the idea in the bud. Surrounded by millions of people struggling to feed their families, we always felt that it would have been rather self-indulgent to ignore the government program to reduce the birth rate of the world's fourth most populous country. Plus, moving with two kids in tow just made a lot more sense than schlepping a large family around the world.
I always felt that we made the right decision -- up until the moment when I realized that neither of our children would be coming home this summer. And that's when the gravity of the situation hit me. This is it. My job as a mother is basically over. It was hard enough to go from being a full-time mom to having my hours reduced when Sara and Philippe went off to college, but at least I could still look forward to long summer days filled with buying groceries, doing laundry and spending time with them. Now my offspring are happily doing their own thing, which is exactly what I raised them to do, and I'm stuck in Paris. Talk about a dire situation!
But the good news is that the attractions of the "City of Light" has recently encouraged a plethora of visitors, including our niece and the adult-aged children of close friends, to reserve our guest room for a couple of nights. Even though we've known most of them since they were babies, it has been a real pleasure connecting with Rahel, Charne, Maud-Laure and their respective boyfriends as equals and realizing that we enjoy their company as much as we do that of their parents. All of them are seasoned travelers with several traits in common. They:
- Inform us of their travel plans so that we know when to expect them and can arrange to leave a key with the guardienne if we're not at home when they arrive.
- Have a rough plan of what they want to do and don't expect us to entertain them.
- Familiarize themselves with the public transportation system and ask if they have any questions about how to get around town.
- Are considerate and as quiet as mice if they return to the apartment in the wee hours of the morning.
- Engage in conversation and don't appear to be in a hurry to escape our company.
- Leave the guest room as tidy as it was when they arrived.
- Bring hostess gifts of flowers, wine or Ladurée macarons (not necessary but very thoughtful!)
Come to think of it, it's a very good thing that Stéphane and I didn't have more than two children because we wouldn't have room for guests!
It turns out that my list doesn't include a very important item. Please click here to read Just Another American's thoughts on "The Perfect Guest".
| Boys will be boys - hamming it up for the camera! |
I was just thinking when reading your last post that one of the advantages (or otherwise) of living in Paris must be the guests. You'd think people would beat a path to my door to stay in the Loire Valley, but it doesn't happen that much!
ReplyDeleteRules for being a good guest duly noted. You forgot: don't leave their pyjamas in your bathroom ;)
You were an impeccable guest, Gwan! As for the pyjamas, I'm concocting a plan to use them as an excuse to visit you again in Tours. ;) Plus, I still want to go to that place where they make wallpaper by hand and pick up a bottle of the lovely crémant that you so generously brought with you to Paris. Yum!
DeleteLet me know the fruits of your scheming! ;)
DeleteMost definitely!
DeleteThere's just one thing I'd add: the perfect guest brings his/her own umbrella. http://justanotheramericaninparis.blogspot.com/2009/06/perfect-guest.html
ReplyDeleteVery true - the perfect guest brings his/her own umbrella, especially considering all of the rain that we've been having in Paris! The good thing about our recent visitors is that they all grew up in Switzerland and are used to changeable (aka lousy!) weather, so they all brought their own umbrellas.
DeleteI'm going to add a link to your "Perfect Guest" post in the body of my post so that people can read it without having to copy and paste.
Unbelievable! It has already been 347 days since you left Paris!?! The countdown clock makes me sad whenever I see it. I always think if only our time in Paris had overlapped....
Great advice for visitors! We've been pleasantly surprised at the amount of guests we've had given the trek to get out here. However, since Paris is the main entry/exit for France we usually tour it at some point and while I love the city of lights . . . I'd love to tour a different French city every once in a while.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I know what you mean about always visiting the same city when it's the main entry/exit. Maybe you could encourage your visitors to take a train and depart from a different city! During one of his visits, my brother flew into Geneva (when we lived in Switzerland) and out of Pisa, Italy. If they fly out of someplace that you want to visit, you could travel with them.
DeleteYour enthusiasm for guests is marvelous although I instantly thought of the NY adage, "They can get a hotel room." At a certain stage, NYers don't like houseguests in the city--at the country house yes, but not in the city. My friend CPG on the UWS was an exception but he had a second bedroom. You're fortunate to have a second bedroom. Fortunately for me, my building just opened a hospitality suite which is offered to the tenants at a very reasonable rate for overnight guests.
ReplyDeleteI agree on the importance of guests having a rough plan of what they want to do--putting that pressure on your hosts is sometimes just too much. When my clients are having overnight guests I always put current city magazines and brochures in the bedrooms along with a map as a way to encourage them to see the city. I do that here in Chicago and I did it in NYC, Philadelphia, wherever as well.
And it's always nice to treat your hosts to dinner somewhere during your stay--it doesn't have to be fancy, it's simply a way to take the pressure of meal preparation out of the visiting equation. Guests should come with ideas about the restaurant in advance--do the homework.
That's really convenient that your building has a hospitality suite. I wish that ours had something similar. As for having guests, one of the reasons that we took this apartment is because it's perfect for visitors. We knew (hoped) that our children and their friends would be frequent visitors so we have two guest rooms that are in a separate area of the apartment. And even better, we have more than one bathroom - a rarity in Paris!
DeleteI like that you put out brochures for overnight guests. I generally point ours in the direction of the Paris bookshelves and tell them to have a look.
I'm sitting with my mother in Buenos Aires, about to go out to dinner and this is what she says: "Don't worry, MK, a mother's work is NEVER over!! I'm taking my 31 year old daughter out to dinner and my 34 year old son just e-mailed me asking if he could borrow my car because his is in the shop! You can't get rid of them that quickly! Enjoy your down time, because they always come back in some form or another!"
ReplyDeleteMy mother also agrees that guests are easier than kids and is dying to turn our rooms into "guest suites". The guest part, I don't mind, it's the suite part that sounds pretentious and/or shady.
Thank you Mother Coquine...
This is just the next phase, and you're on a mommy hiatus. You want to know when your mother duties are going to come back in full gear? Your daughter's wedding!
I hope you're enjoying your summer!
Ella, I absolutely love that you and your mom were sitting next to the pool in BA reading my blog! I can't tell you how warm and fuzzy that makes me feel. Please give your mom a big hug from me and tell her "thank you" for her words of wisdom. I shall take them to heart.
DeleteAs for my daughter having a wedding - I've always told her that she should elope! ;) She's going to be a bridesmaid for the first time in August and has been having to fill in for the maid of honor because she had some family problems and I think that she's beginning to agree. I did, however, tell her that she should invite me to her elopement!
I love the way that guests bring the rest of the world into the home...enjoy!
ReplyDeleteVery true - and I also love how I always learn something new about Paris from our guests. They always seems to discover places that I didn't know about.
DeleteHi
ReplyDeleteWe are convinced that numerology has something to do with people visiting/guesting. We had a #3 house - we got lots of visitors. We now have a #6 house and we get very few even though we live in the Okanagan, Canada's best wine growing valley.
A friend once told me "..just when you think they have left... they come back.." so enjoy the sabbatical (-:
You may be right about the numerology! I'l have to give it some thought. I do know that the sum of the street number of the houses that we've bought has always added up to 9. We've owned an 18, 162 and 90. Now I'll just have to start thinking about how that correlates with the number of guests!
DeleteAh, Mary Kay, don't despair, with those accomplished, gorgeous kids, it will be sooner than you are ready for that the pitter-pat of grandkids' tootsies will be running you ragged! Enjoy the grown-up visitors until then ;)
ReplyDeletedekage
Grandchildren! Yikes!!! We aren't ready for that stage of our lives yet...although Stephane is already talking about how he plans to teach them to ski!
DeleteHi MK, as the mom of one of your recent guests I want to say a quick thank you for your hospitality! Rahel and Urs had a great time in Paris and after sharing their experience at the family dinner table, I looks as if her siblings are tempted to go on a short trip to Paris, too. As long as they bring enough cake or chocolate, I hope that's ok with you?
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if I should envy you or feel sorry for you in regard of the "empty nest". My home has the air of a small youth hostel where the guests arrive and go and you never know how many rooms will be occupied and when meals need to be cooked. Each time I think that I'm going to have a blissfully quiet day, my "guests" arrive spontaneously with bags of laundry and big appetites. Whenever I feel a bit down and could use some company, the "guests" leave the house to explore a more exciting world...
Have a good summer, despite the very strange weather!
You know that your children are always welcome to stay with us, Heidi. We really enjoyed Rahel and Urs' company and it was a pleasure to get to know them better. I hope that she's able to convince her siblings to travel to Paris! We asked her to do some advertising (propaganda!) for us.
DeleteAs for dirty laundry and big appetites, it sounds like heaven. Enjoy it while it lasts!
We nearly sold our house a few years ago because it seemed too big for the two of us. We were going to buy a tiny two bed cottage.
ReplyDeleteThe next Christmas we had about 16 guests for Boxing day, as they all suddenly got married, had babies and moved back! So glad we kept the house.
But make the most of your freedom while you can before grandmother/ mother in law duties take over!
Thanks for the advice about being a guest. So useful for my upcoming trip to Boston to stay with a friend. I really want to be the perfect guest as she is so kind to invite me and I don't want her to regret that decision!
Love Denise
Denise, I'm sure that you are a very easy guest and that your host in Boston will thoroughly enjoy your company. Oh!, while I'm thinking about it - Boston has a system where you can rent bikes like the Velib in Paris and there are some really good bicycle trails.
Delete16 guests for boxing day - you really can't move to Paris!
Love the "two children is enough" adage. I only have one and wonder if the Indonesians also have an adage for that. Last night I had the most fascinating dream about diaper changing, we do it so much!
ReplyDeleteAs for the perfect guest, completely agree that if they come with their own agenda they can stay as long as they'd like.
A dream about changing diapers?!? I don't think that I ever had one of those...and I changed a lot of diapers!
DeleteInterestingly enough, I just read that the Indonesians are promoting "one child is enough" in some of the more heavily populated areas. And there's also the one child policy in China.
I've got a loaner for you, anytime. She's smack dab in the middle of her needy teens and I hear she is a lovely house guest.... Let me know when you're free.
ReplyDeleteps... I decided on only two after backpacking through Africa a bit. Can anyone say, over-population...
Thanks for the very kind offer, Sylvia. I'll let you know when I'm ready to take the loaner out for a spin!
DeleteThere's nothing like traveling in over-populated countries to make someone think about adding to the earth's population, especially in water poor parts of the world. Unfortunately, African countries haven't had as much success with their campaigns to limit the number of children as those in Asia.
I wd have a lot to say about guests... We had regular guests (mostly family) when we lived in the SW of England - wayyyy to far from London for the high-brow crowd, thankfully. Now PARIS (or as nearby as we are...) is a different kettle of fish! We are practically never without guests and it really gets too much sometimes. I often feel like having a hotel without the income of paying guests. Don't get me wrong, I love, love, love every single groups of visitors - I would even make it a law that I do NOT receive people I wouldn't consider good friends who know how to behave!!! - but it still takes an awful lot of extra work, the fresh beds every time, the cleaning of the room, bathrooms, the extra cooking, the lesser time for oneself (I love to eat when I feel like and not because it's - say - 7pm....), the actual 100% presence for tips, ideas, accompaniment to places they like (having often guests of a certain age and no French knowledge), giving help and advice at all times etc. does sometimes hit my limits. Again, I won't say I mind; I enjoy my guests and they are charming enough, it's just not always pure joy without 'any personnel to help'.
ReplyDeleteWe also have a beautiful large garden which in itself is a source of joy and happiness but I did realise the extend of my work when some guest insisted on having her sun launcher to read under a tree and when I said I didn't have any, she simply couldn't believe it. She said: But don't you lie in the sun and relax or are you lying in the grass on a carpet? that I had to reply truthfully: I haven't got the time to lie in the garden and read... :) I do read an awful lot, I work at the computer, I give free services of my time for people who need me, I sacrifice time to my church and my friends, I try to take some photos sometimes and to be a faithful pen friend to my 'adopted' blogs such as yours - and NOW I need to sell our house because we will be moving again... I had an eye operation last week and am in Switzerland right now to see how Hero Husband can best get started in his new job and surrounding, I will come back to Switzerland very, very soon for my mum's 85th birthday, 2 days after we will have family with two children, can you see how busy one can be without having an actual paid job?
Spoke to my son on the phone the other day and he said: Mummy, when you move back to Switzerland and need work to be done, just tell me; I know now many good workers I could get you 'cheaper' than the running rate but of course, they'd live some 4-5hrs away from our future abode too.... at least he thought of what we might be approaching sooner or later.
I also found a wonderful person who will clean our house once we will have sold it - but the main work now is to prepare everything and IF you know anybody in your wide circle of friends who is interested of living very close to Paris with a direct line into the heart of the city and also to the airport - just let me know!!!! Oh, they should have deep pockets too because it IS a wonderful dream house with a large garden but Paradise was never cheap - see what happened to Eve and Adam... :)))))
Must let you, my eyes hurt far too much of concentrating on the small screen of Hero Husband's old PC at the rental flat I am right now.
Love, Kiki
PS: I too think that two kids is a blessing, more is too much - but then again, I have travelled widely and know many wonderful families with 3, 4 and even 5 children and they are happy too.... I had to stop at one child and I DO enjoy my 'time off' - although I would love to have grand-children to look after.... Aaah, and I am still my mother's daughter and get told off by my mum... :) and cherished.... :)))))
photos (another very neglected hobby of mine!):
http://www.flickr.com/photos/vol-au-vent/
Kiki, I can't tell you how sad I am by the thought of you moving back to Switzerland - even though we've never met, I find a lot of comfort in knowing that you're nearby in Paris. I didn't realize that you're selling your house. I thought that you were planning to rent it with the thought of one day moving back here. If I hear of anyone looking for a dream house with a large garden that has been lovingly maintained, I'll be sure to let you know.
DeleteAs for the guest who insisted on having a lawn chair so that she could relax, we've had a few of those in other countries but fortunately not in Paris. I guess the difference for us is that everyone wants to go out and see the city rather than stay at home. I also tell them that I'm not planning to make dinner for them because I don't want them to feel as if they have to come home to eat if they're doing something interesting in town.
I hope that your eye is feeling better and that you have a speedy recovery.
Good luck dealing with all of the challenges that lie ahead.
With love and big hugs,
Mary Kay xo